Last man on earth when there is no earth?

Ch 01.3

Standing there showing off my manhood to an armed girl, I prayed in my hear that she doesn’t turn out to be a tsundere. If she really is one then this situation would have either one of two endings:

One: she accidentally kills me.

Two: she accidentally turns me to a girl.

Her reaction, blushing to the point of steam rising from her head, made me realize what a shameful first impression I’m giving right now.

Covering my crotch with both hands I turned away. It was like one of those dreams where you go to school just to notice you weren’t wearing any pants.

The embarrassment. I would never wish for my worst enemies to be in such place. Turning my back to her wasn’t any good either. Again, I have nothing on at the moment.

Now, all that’s left is to wait for her to scream. If I’m lucky enough she wouldn’t resort to violence, best case scenario I would be labeled as a pervert and it ends there.

Please dont be a tsundere!

Without a warning something fell over my head. It’s a sheet of cloth, or a cloak, maybe? The one throwing it is none other that the golden haired girl standing a few feet away with her knife spear thing still at the ready.

I took the sheet and examined it. Turns out it’s a cloak after all. It went a little below the knees when equipped. I didn’t expect it to do much about the cold but in just a few seconds I was feeling warm.

Facing the horned girl once again I was about to offer my thanks, but when our eyes met I immediately averted my gaze.

“… Thank you…” I said as I scratch my left cheek.

Wait, where did all that confidence I had a minute ago went? This is a new me! I shouldn’t be scared of talking to girls anymore!

While I tried to gather my courage the golden haired girl looked at me with the same amount of surprise as before, only this time there was no steam coming out of her head, and her weapon was lowered for a few moments.

“You spoke…” She said, coming back to her senses and pointing her weapon at my face again. “Good, I will have you answer some of my questions… if you don’t mind…”

A quick advice, asking people whether they do or don’t mind doing something for you while pointing a spear at them is a little pointless.

“Um… can you lower that thing first? I don’t feel too comfortable with a blade that big pointed at me. I don’t think I would be alright with any other size…”

Like any sane person facing a naked man in a cloak she just ignored my request tightening her grip on the knife spear thing and proceeded with the questions.

“First of all, what are you? What is this place and what’s it’s purpose? How do I get out of here?”

“um… uh… one question at a time… please?”

This girl doesn’t seem to handle sarcasm as the glare she had at the start returned to her eyes.

“Okay okay… let’s see…”

Taking another look at my surroundings I was hit with one of the questions myself.

What is this place?

The walls had what seems like mold growing on them. I spotted a few cracks in the ceiling too. The floor is soaked in some liquid, surely not your everyday H2O. Pieces of shattered glass were scattered all around me, they probably came from the broken cylinder shaped container on my left.

Tubes of different sizes and shapes passed from one end of the Roos to the other. Electric cords hanged everywhere. Something is wrong here. This place has way too much technology for a fantasy world.

“Huh?”

A few feet away from were I stood a number of skeletons were scattered here and there. Those look awfully realistic for this to be a prank.

Yep, I sure as hell don’t know this place.

“Um…where am I?” Smiling awkwardly I rubbed the back of my head.

Wow, my hair sure is long… as that thought ran through my head the sharp glare the girl gave sent a chill up my spine. The tension increased despite me trying to sound as friendly as I could.

“I will ask you again, what are you?”

“Hey, Isn’t that a little rude?” Asking me what instead of who I am. I know she’s really gorgeous but my simp level isn’t so high that I would overlook her dehumanizing me. “I should be the one asking that, what in the world are you? And what the hell are you wearing!?”

Secret techniques, mad talk.

Speaking to girls can be really difficult, especially the cute ones, but when they show clear animosity toward me I’m able to activate this skill to retaliate. It’s a useful skill to have, indeed. However when the other party is holding a giant knife spear to your face the effect is drastically decreased.

Actually, a normal kitchen knife is enough to shut most men up. Really, women and knifes aren’t a good combination. Who was it that had the brilliant idea of telling them to stay in the kitchen?

“Eh?” She blinked a few times, the intensity of her glare vanishing. “Is… is something wrong with my clothes? I think I did a pretty good job up to this point.” She said, taking a look at herself.

Is she for real…?

Calm down, there is a really high chance that she is a demon. I must fight this evil charm attack. But again I have to admit, she is beautiful. The more I look at her the more I’m captivated by her looks. And I could feel my metapod use hardening again and again.

Noticing my stare the horned girl pointed her weapon at me once more, sounding a bit flustered this time.

“Answer my question!”

“….Sigh… even if you ask me, I don’t know what to say. Am I supposed to tell you that I’m human or something?”

“Human…?” She took a really good look at me, then for some reason she snapped. “HAA!!!? A human, you say? You don’t look like any human I ever seen!”

Hey now. I know I’m not the most handsome dude out there, and I didn’t give the best first impression just now, but denying my humanity out of nowhere just like that? It hurts my delicate feefees, you know.

“Well, not that I met one before.” She added.

“… You just said I don’t resemble any human you ever seen…” is something wrong with her head?

“Well… the news! I remember seeing them on the news! And in books too!” She retorted.

Ok, that makes more sense. I don’t think my face is that well suited for television…

Now hold on for a moment. You mean that after suffering through my short previous life then dying a miserable death I still don’t deserve a mildly good looking face? Or are her standards simply too high? I need to see for myself.

“Th-that’s right!” While I was busy panicking over my new face the girl seemed to get a bit shaken. “Your chest is way too flat, and y-you have th-th-the th-thing! There is no way you are a human!”

“I can’t say I’m following…”

“Your ears are short, you don’t have any horns, your body isn’t too large, you have no wings, no feathers, no fur, no claws, no fangs. Your skin is white and your eyes are small. You aren’t a male from any of the sentient races present in the known universe… wait, could it be… are you a synth?”

“Like I said, I’m a human.”

I feel like I’m about to remember something, but nothing came to mind except an advanced level of depression.

Surely I went through this kind of situation before… what was it again?… if I remember right it was back when… huh? I can’t remember…

“You say you are human but…” she posed for a second before hitting me with a shocking revelation. “Humans are a unisex specie, they don’t have males!”

“…”

“…”

“What did you say?”

They don’t have males?... What?

“…”

“…”

“Really?”

“Really.”

A minute passed, then two. We just stood there saying no words.

Five minutes passed, and the horned girl finally lowered her weapon.

“Huh?” Her lips curved into a doubtful smile. “Seriously?”