I continued to indulge myself in sex with the aim of forgetting the pain. Though I knew it wasn’t possible. There was no way to forget all that completely – just a momentary relief before all the pain came crashing down to crush me. But even though I knew all that, I continued to break myself further and further, driving myself to the point of no return.I wonder – was that actually what I really wanted? Although I didn’t admit to it, in my subconscious maybe that was exactly what I had been wanting and wishing for. To break myself where I won’t be able to redeem myself – where I won’t be able to forgive myself – where I can just laugh it off saying that there’s nothing I can do anymore – where the only option I have left would be to die.I don’t know what day it was but I remember the sky was black and cloudy. It had seemed like it would rain any moment in the morning but it didn’t rain at all. The clouds were just hanging there – as if their only purpose that day was from preventing

When I first saw Hayami, I was stunned into a profound silence.That was just how beautiful she was. For me at least.Her long and lustrous raven hair that shone brightly reflecting the serene light of the cloudless night moon and her pair of red eyes that captivated the soul of any who witnessed her - she looked like a witch set out to steal my heart - which she did of course.She was beautiful but not without scars.Like the moon with dark spots, her face and the region around her neck had bruises. Without taking my eyes off of her, my feet carried me closer and closer to where she was standing solemnly as if pulled by a magnetic force.As I gazed upon her from up close, an intense emotion swirled in my heart."Ah, I want to break her." That was what escaped my mouth and how I truly felt.Like how a certain flower makes you feel to want to nip it.Like how a certain painting makes you want to mess it up.Like how a certain shape of icicles makes you want to shatter it to pieces.Se

For the next two days, I spent time together with Hayami talking about our deranged past. Even though it was pathetic and laughable the past we shared together was something that belonged to us - that was a part of us. So no matter how piteous it was, recounting those moments made us feel nostalgic and happy. We continued to talk at length as if to fill in the gap that had formed between us for a year. We were trying to live the time we had lived apart from each other in just a few short days. We would continue to talk to each other until the side effects of the heavy medications kicked in and took me to sleep. Hayami stayed by my side and continued to nurse me. We both realized how ironic it was. I mean, she was nursing the person who was set to die in the not-so-far-off future. But, even then, she nursed me. It was something she hadn't done before and she had said she had always wanted to take care of a sick person. So, I let her nurse me. Though it wasn't as if I didn't feel good

For the next two days, I stayed in the hospital where I was injected and made to swallow medicines that looked shady and somewhat scary. They looked like the pills that turned a human into monsters as depicted in movies. And seems like they were quite potent medications as the doctor and the nurse asked me how I was feeling every time I took them.I took medications, got nursed by Hayami, and also took walks with her to the park behind the hospital occasionally. The people around us always gave us weird looks as if what they were seeing didn't make any sense to them. Maybe they were bewildered by how happy we looked or maybe they were thinking how the hell did I manage to get such a beautiful girl. I basked in their amazement and spent my time with Hayami.After two days, all the preparations for my discharge had been already made. My belongings were all packed and I had changed from the blue hospital dress to a casual white t-shirt and blue jeans.As we were preparing to head out, so

"Let's go!"Full of teen spirit and energy, Hayami pointed up towards the bright and sunny sky with no clouds."Yeah!"I screamed trying to match her energy."Hee-hee. This is kind of fun." She giggled and flashed her teeth at me. It was such a contagious smile, I couldn't help but smile as well.Hayami wrapped her arms around mine and the two of us, glued to each other, walked out of the house toward our destination.We reached the train station and waited for our train to arrive on its platform.As we stood waiting for the train, I could feel all the eyes around us. Boys and girls alike were both looking at us in awe with their mouths hanging open. Hayami probably realized this as well as she scooted a little and whispered in my ears, with a hint of glee, "Everyone is looking at us, right?""Sure they are."Though rather than us, I think it would be better to say her. I was just a by-product.She was wearing a pink one-piece skirt that was slightly longer compared to other skirts. Th